Why Your Student’s Struggling to Finish the Personal Statement
It’s become a pattern: a student comes to me to work on the personal statement in the summer, fall, or winter, and I find out that they’ve been working on it for months with little to no progress.
They tell me they’ve been struggling all summer to write the personal statement, even though they have a 4.0 and a 1500+ SAT score, don’t struggle with self-knowledge or writing, and have been working regularly with a consultant. “We’ve been around the block,” a parent said.
Another student, after working with me for a few weeks, reveals to me how many consultants they’ve visited over the last few months to no avail. Apparently, no one has been able to help them tell their story. Meanwhile, my students finish in about 2–3 weeks, and, in some cases, 2–3 sessions.
So what’s the problem? Why is it that many students who have spent time in the admissions circuit are taking months to write their personal statements to no avail, only to finish in 2–3 sessions once they’ve found me? It’s because the quality of advice a student receives is critical to their success.
The college essay advising process has many pitfalls
Every student finishes the personal statement on a different timeline. Some finish in days to weeks, while others may take months. A student’s completion time depends on their writing abilities, self-awareness, number of previous iterations, mindset, circumstances, and much more. So there’s no one “right way” to get it done, just the best way for the student.
Still, the fact remains that there are students who can complete the college essay within a matter of hours to weeks but end up taking months with the wrong advice, and it appears to happen repeatedly due to the same problems entrenched in the industry. The habits I have observed from many educational counselors, and, dare I say faux counselors, include:
Shooting down a student’s idea before giving it full consideration. The student brings their idea for a story they want to tell. Almost immediately, the consultant imposes their interpretation and rejects the idea. The student reluctantly follows along, and the parent, just wanting to find someone who can provide guidance, starts to doubt their own judgment.
Telling the student to write about something for which they have no enthusiasm or excitement. Meanwhile, the counselor recommends the student write on a different topic with almost no buy-in or resonance from the student. The counselor “knows better,” apparently, with no taste for the student’s consent or empowerment. Instead of the process being student-driven, the counselor is running the show. The student has become a prop.
Having students write about a performative extracurricular activity and turn their essay into another resume. It is much easier to write about an extracurricular activity and slap the idea of being “impressive” on it. The problem is that this is almost never impressive to admissions officers. It doesn’t resonate. Identifying and articulating a student’s story is much more difficult and takes much more skill—a skill most people don’t have.
The result is that counselors who lack the skill or experience end up homogenizing, rather than differentiating, their students.
This type of counseling doesn’t just do students harm in the admissions process and impact their results. It also sends a message that students are what they do, rather than who they are: fascinating, valuable individuals with unique stories and gifts that play a larger part in our world. This is part of our society’s larger meaning crisis, and all too many consultants take part in it because they think parents and students don’t know better.
My hope is that you realize that you do know better. Instead of handing away your authority to a counselor who doesn’t grasp how admissions works or who your student is, trust your instincts, and where you need help, find someone you can rely on to help your student find what resonates with them and achieve resonance with their colleges.
What students need when writing the college essay
To write a memorable, meaningful college essay—especially the kind that not only results in admissions and scholarships, but personal notes from admissions offices—having someone who can help students draw out their uniqueness is crucial. So, when looking for support, seek these qualities:
- Someone who sees and understands your student. Is the counselor able to perceive what’s truly unique and valuable about the student? Does the student feel a deep resonance, or are they subject to additional stresses and pressures that create internal and external misalignments?
- Someone who will help them stand out, not homogenize them. Does the student feel that the essay they’re about to write is truly them? Is it the kind of essay that only they could write, or could it be anyone else’s essay? This is where most counselors fall short, and where students and families should feel more license to challenge the advice they receive.
- Someone who understands how to write this format. Does the counselor understand the true architecture and function of a personal statement, or are they spitting out homogenized ideas? The truth is, very few places have the ability to identify the story, facilitate the execution, and help the student stay true to themselves and find their direction.
Make sure that when your student writes the personal statement, that they have trustworthy and effective guidance. The right guidance will not only serve students and families within the immediate application process and yield better results, but also help the student discover deeper truths about themselves that will guide their steps for a lifetime.
